Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
