we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
