I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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