I'm drive I can fine osifer
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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