it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
