He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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