stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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