News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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