All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize