He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
