Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
