Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
