The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You pole danced in your parka.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
