i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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