I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize