He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
