my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
