Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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