I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
