I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
