But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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