So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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