We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
