i jhust puked up my retainher.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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