Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
