Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize