he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize