I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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