Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i drank out of a bidet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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