Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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