Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
