worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
