I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
