guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can I color on your dick again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
