good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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