i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
