Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
