my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
