it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize