apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
