My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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