someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
