Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
