Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
