me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize