Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
