Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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