hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize