u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Two words: nipple clamps
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