i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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