Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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