Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
