guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i think i just lost a toe
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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