So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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