I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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