last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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