His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
