I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
