You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
