"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
