Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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