I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
