theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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