I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
