Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
