why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
