I love black thongs
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
