forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
wow bdsm is so cute
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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