Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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