quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
