physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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